I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
