Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
