So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
