The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize