a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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