we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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