I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
