oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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