We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
