OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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