i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i was born a porn star she said
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
