Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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