Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
