they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still dying that you shit outside
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
