I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
