I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
