You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
