At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
