i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
