he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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