all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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