You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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