Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
