his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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