I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
