I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
