I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
