Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had to cum in my sink.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
