I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
