My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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