and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
