I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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