My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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