I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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