is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
