Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
