yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize