he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
