I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
