at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
last night I used snow as a chaser
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
