i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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