Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
