wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
