70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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