Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
