Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
