There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
