Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
