I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
