I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
