You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
