Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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