everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
