I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
