Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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