the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
