DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
