I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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