we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
