why didn't you poke me back
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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