Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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