so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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