I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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