I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have post one night stand depression
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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